I Was Never Going to Go if I Waited for Someone to Come with Me

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

Brighton, UK 

Brighton, UK 

Sitting alone in the closet on the 3rd floor of my sorority house in 2011, I made a decision that would change my life forever. Softly sobbing under the glow of a single lightbulb, I called my parents and told them of my decision to leave.

'I'm not running away,' I told myself. Half true.

'I'm not scared." 10% true. 

'I'll be fine by myself.' 1% true at the time, 100% true now.

I could have waited for someone to go with me, but would I have ever even gone? I had just endured one of the worst years of my life thus far: the death of a close friend, the dragged out, looming, inevitable loss from my four best friends, the awkward, horrible transition between high school and college, the separation from my boyfriend. I won't go into it all. 

It took for me to hit rock bottom for me to decide I was finally going to make a move. But I was ready. Ready to dance from country to country, ready to to cry at night in front of the Colosseum, ready to stuff my face with Swedish meatballs and lingonberry jam, ready to get desperately lost on a continent where I didn't know a soul, ready to finally make a move. 

The thing is, I was never going to go if I waited for someone to come with me. For years, I had been waiting for others. Waiting for them to give me their approval, their love, their support. Now was the time to jump. While I was to busy waiting for others to ease the discomfort of being by myself, when the truth is - I was already by myself.. 

Life isn't meant to be spent in the waiting room, and no one on the Earth is worth the kind of wait that wastes your life away. Sure, company is lovely. But by the time you're done procrastinating by waiting around for another person, years have passed you by and you've got a family, and kids, and husband, and responsibility, and a job. 

Life has a habit of getting in the way. Sure, travel will always be there, but will you ever have this time in your life again? You could fall in love with someone who doesn't want to travel. You could get promoted at work, and be fearful to leave your job for a few weeks. You could have children. Your family or friends could get sick. And then what? You're stuck wondering who you could have been or what you could have done if you only stopped waiting for someone else. 

"The music of the world finds itself more easily into the heart grown less insecure."

Today is the day. 

Alyssa x