A Love/Hate Letter to RyanAir

You can be a little twat sometimes, but I still love you. Your amount of leg room is almost arrogant and the fact that you charge an absurd amount for bottled water makes me want to leave you. Why does everyone on the plane smell like week old tuna? And that color scheme - blue and neon yellow? Come on - that's so early 2000's. Your customer service is appalling. And why do you care if my baggage is weighs too much? If it fits within your 2 inch by 4 inch size limit, it shouldn't really matter. Also, could you not with the temperature of the plane? Boiling lava hot one minute, and feels like I plunged into the depths of the arctic the next. Gr8. Is it really necessary to sell raffle tickets on the plane? I'm trying to sleep. Missed my flight because of the 3000 mile line I had to wait in? Can't wait to pay $300 at the next one. 

But Ryan, I just can't quit you. That $9 flight to Norway couldn't be matched. Even though you're so uncomfortable and I have to sit 3 centimeters from an old smelly man talking inhumanly loudly, I guess I couldn't ask more for $9. You are the reason that I can travel so much, even though we are long distance. Why do I always have to drive so far to get to you? Can't you come to me? You are always so far away, in made up airports. But the thing is, you're my best friend, my soul mate, and I couldn't do it without you.

Love always,