A Definitive Ranking of Traditional European Drinks

Drinking is a huge part of European culture, no matter where you go. Some are good, some are heinous, but it's v important to try out different drinks while you're traveling. You don't need to get drunk to enjoy the local bev.

Here's my definitive ((comical)) ranking of traditional European drinks.

DEAD LAST.) Sambuca - Italy

I don't trust anyone who enjoys drinking black licorice flavored alcohol. 

10.) Boxed Wine - Sweden

Just kidding, this isn't a traditional European drink. This is just the only drink that I had in Sweden for some reason. Tastes like sickness, costs 50 cents. I guess you win some, you lose some. 

9.) Vodka - Russia

Anyone who tells you that they enjoy drinking vodka and/or taking vodka shots is straight lying to your face. Vodka is horrible on its own and tastes like drinking rubbing alcohol mixed with human baby/elephant tears. 

8.) Ouzo - Greece 

I don't care what anyone tells you. Ouzo tastes like straight up ass. Try to avoid drinking this if at all possible. If you are seemingly forced to by strangers / your best friend / hostel staff - take it, but don't let them forget the pain you experienced while drinking it. 

7.) Raki - Turkey

Tastes kind of like Ouzo and Sambuca, except you mix it with water. I won't touch anything that's mixed with water because that's disgusting. Bye. 

6.) Palinka - Hungary/Transylvania 

This shit is actually good. It must be if the vampires drink it. JUST KIDDING THEYLL DRINK ANYTHING. But really, it's pretty fruity, smells nice, ad goes down easy. 6 out of 10 stars, 1.3 enthusiastic thumbs up. Whatever you want to call it. 

5.) Guinness - Ireland

If you like being full forever/taking 9 hours to pour a drink, Guinness is for you. Of course you can't go to Ireland without having a Guinness, and they have lots of different types you can try. My tolerance for Guinness ends after about 2 pints, but it's an overall decent shout if you're looking to get hamskied on St. Patrick's Day. 

4.) Whiskey - Scotland 

Now, I'm not the biggest whiskey fan but people seem to love it. I always think I'm going to like it because it "smells like honey" but it doesn't really taste that way. If you're in Scotland though, you can't not have it. Drink it straight, with ice, with coke, whateva tickles your fancy. 

3.) Beer / Korn - Germany

Horrible photo quality... but this is a German drinking game called Flukeyball (don't know exactly how to spell it), where you throw a ball to knock an empty bottle in the middle and then race to drink!

Horrible photo quality... but this is a German drinking game called Flukeyball (don't know exactly how to spell it), where you throw a ball to knock an empty bottle in the middle and then race to drink!

"EHMERGERDDDD you haven't LIVED if you haven't had German beer1!!!11!!" said everyone when I returned home from Germany having not had a German beer. When I visited Germany for the first time, I was stubborn in that "I don't like beer." The fact of the matter is, beer is great, and when I went back, I tried it and was converted immediately. Also, Germany has this alcohol called Korn which is awesome. It's a nicer version of vodka that doesn't exactly taste like human tears, and goes well with pretty much any drink. Prost, Deutschland! 

2.) Pimm's - United Kingdom 

Pimm's is heaven in a glass, especially during the summer. If you like drinking outside during Britain's "summer" weather, Pimm's is the best for that. 

1.) Sangria / Tinto de Verano - Spain

I won't lie and say that I drank the most expensive Sangria when I lived in Spain. My best friend was Don Simon, a 1 euro, 2 liter bottle of Tinto de Verano (carbonated Sangria) while I was there. But hey, you gotta enjoy Spanish culture on a budget! But Sangria is fab for summer/winter/spring/fall/whenever you damn well please. 


** Obviously, most of this is satire. But I really do recommend you try the traditional drinks in each country you visit.